For the last year I’ve been making notes on each type of beer I’ve had, largely because if I enjoy a beer enough, I tend to forget what it’s called, what’s it’s like as well as how to talk properly and how to act in public. Here’s the list of the beers I’ve had since some time last year.
P.S. many of these reviews were made after consuming many other drinks so they may not have any basis in logic, or coherence though for the most part they’re still pretty spot on.
Amstel- Light lager. Quite good. Quite.
Anchor Porter- Delightfully dark and tasty beer. Flavoursome and marmitey (but not to a fault), certainly not a beer for mother!
Angry Yank- Slightly heavy IPA, makes me wonder if either I or the brewer don’t know what an IPA IS.
Banks’s Bitter- What it lacks in a logical name, it makes up for in being a good beer.
Bays Gold- Fantastic. Nice and light, easy to drink with a hangover.
Beast- A wonderful invention. Truly a good ale. Strong as a thing that’s penultimately strong, black as a dark thing, rest assured, it is a quite strong, dark thing.
Betty Stogs- Meaty, dark, Cornish thing.
Bierra Moretti- “The beer in Italy.” About sums it up really.
Bishop’s Tipple- Worthy of a bishop, though I hear the Pope is more of a wine drinker. Unknown effects on other clergymen.
Black Sheep Ale- A very nice light ale. “Crisp, dry & bittersweet.” Yup.
Boddingtons- Watery. A weak draught.
Bob- Decent light alish.
Boss- Weak and watery. Not at all Boss-like at all.
Brahma- Standard good lager. Refreshing, cheap, comes in an attractive bottle. Conjures up images of people wearing unlikely hats in tropical climates.
Brewhouse Something- Bovril. Just Bovril.
Brooklyn Lager- Syrupy and thoroughly excellent.
Budvar (Dark)- Surprising. Um. Gravy-like
Budvar (Light)- Slightly phlegmy tasting Lager. Very very good.
Budweiser ’66- Better than regular Budweiser.
Butcombe Blonde- Also a beer. But this one is a blonde one.
Chimay- The kind of beer that made me start this list. Brilliant, chocolatey. 9%. What I like in a beer.
Comfortably numb- Very very nice beer. Brown. Very nice. A bit mashed potatoey!
Cornish Knocker- A bit lemonade tasting. Lighter than one might expect.
Cornubia- Tasty beer. A solid 7/10 if I did numerical ratings. As it happens, I don’t.
Corona- A light lager, refreshing but not especially flavoursome.
Cotswold Way- Tastes a bit like a wool jumper once owned by a smoker but has been kept in the loft for the last 25 years.
Cotleigh Buzzard- A bit toast-like.
Cotswold Way- Generic brown ale thing. There. I said it. They all taste the same.
Darkside- Like Guinness but good.
Discovery- Yeah, I suppose.
Double Dragon- Sour milky.
Doubting Tom- Milky ale with a picture of Mr Jesus on the tap. But the milk is the most important factor of it.
Duvel (Green)- Standard pale ale. Can’t remember anything else about it.
Duvel (Red)- very potent, tasty, hoppy beer. More expensive than Green because it’s good. Swish around a little at the bottom of the bottle to ensure you get all the sediment.
Erdinger Dunkelbier- Fruity delicious goodness
Erdinger Weissbier- A mid range potency White beer. Good body and flavour.
ESB- Quite a nice beer; hint of lavender? Probably not.
Exmoor Fox- Slight peach tasting beer. Vey vey nise.
Exmoor Gold- Cheese tasting
Fosters- Pretty much offensive to all concerned
Franziskana Weissbier- light fruity chemical free German-ness.
Freeminer Organic Ale- Sweet and light. Not bad at all for something masquerading under the co-op own brand label.
Frülli- The beer that tastes like strawberries. Tastes like generic strawberry, carbonated drink. Not unlike Ribeana and soda stream.
Fursty Ferret- Fooking lemonadey.
Ghost Ship- PFFFFFFFT. Nah.
Golden Lance- A bit shit.
Goose Island IPA- Very excellent-ish. Satisfaction akin to watching a dog sleep.
Gulden Draak- Yummy! And lovely. Stupidly strong and responsible for me not remembering my Birthday.
Grolsch- Everything it says on the tin. Good?
Hobgoblin- Fruity, fruity, fruity fruity, fruity, fruity fruity fruit. With a bit of marmite.
Hoegarden- Fluffy, German beer served in a tea pot. Schnell!
Invincible- A nice beer with a hint of honey.
John Smith’s- Standard ‘Asda Value’ beer
Kwak- Beautifully fruity Belgian dark beer. Often leads to short term memory loss.
Leffe- An excellent light blonde beer. Like Duvel but less weighty. That’s a good thing by the way.
Magnum, P.A.- A disgrace to the Magnum branding and quite probably quite a severe breach of licensing.
Milk Stout- It is yes. Creamy goodness.
Moonlight- Quite excellent. Light and fizzy, would go well with fish. Pictures of a Westland Lysander on the bottle, before I forget.
Newcastle Brown Ale- About as genuinely Geordi as a Jaguar S- Class; a beer than panders to expectations about ale for people that don’t like ale.
No7- Regular brown beer taste.
Old Bob- In one of my cupboards lives one of those fragrant smelling air fresheners. Every time I open that cupboard I get attacked by that smell. That is what this drink tastes like.
Old Speckled Hen: Yeah, it’s alright I suppose. Quite good one might say. But only one.
Old Peculiar- If some sort of energy beam field was brown and had a taste, it would be this. But less exciting.
Oranjeboom- Alright, I only bought it because the name said “orange boom.” Pleasantly surprised though!
Otter Ale- Kind of watery chocolate ale.
Oyster Stout- Really bloody good.
Peroni- The Italians just don’t make good beer. Wine, yes. Beers and engine control units, no. Also, probably lays a better claim to being “the beer of Italy” than Bierra Moretti.
Pitchfork- Splendid and beery.
Prescott- FUCKING A
Proper Job- A bit saw dusty.
Raven- Unanimous verdict: it tastes like beer.
Red Stripe- okay. Beery.
Rocheford- Dark and heavy goodness. Only have one at a time.
Ruddles- Light ale, comes with the gormet burger in weherspoons as their “non-Guinness” ale. 30% musty, very quaffable. Quaf.
Schneider Weisse- Beautifully chocolatey, sweet beer. Served in a penis-like glass. A feast for all ages.
Sierra Nevada Pale Ale- One fine, tasty beverage! Has the occasional kick of ‘very deliciousness.’
Skindog- Like most Cornish drink, it’s characterised by a vague taste of farm equipment. All in all not bad for a lager.
Spitfire- Inexplicably fizzy, marginally fulfilling Kentish ale. Marvellous ad campaigns.
Staropramen- a very smooth, unpronounceable lager. Prague actually makes something. Huh.
Sunrise- A pale ale with light notes.
Thwaites Strong Brown Ale- charmingly refreshingly lovely and wonderful.
Tribute- Very gentle light ale. Flavoursome and goodersome.
Twelve Nights- Very excellent, very excellent indeed.
Veltins- Unremarkable lager (he remarked).
Weihenstephan- Das ist sehr gut! Danke schöne, Deutschland!
Westmalle- An interesting one- like Anchor Porter but less good. Smells like beer, apparently.